Mankeeping: Measuring the Hidden Emotional Labor Women Do for Partners’ Social Lives

This dynamic can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and reduced

A new psychological survey has been developed to measure „mankeeping,”the unpaid emotional labor women often perform to manage and maintain their romantic partners’ social connections. Researchers created the tool to better understand how women experience the effects of men’s declining friendships and the resulting burden on their mental health and relationship satisfaction. The study, published in the journal Sex Roles, introduces a scale designed to capture the frequency and impact of these invisible tasks, such as planning social events, remembering partners’ friends’ birthdays, or smoothing over social awkwardness. By quantifying this behavior, researchers aim to shed light on how gendered expectations shape emotional labor in relationships. The concept of mankeeping stems from observations that men, on average, maintain fewer close friendships than women, particularly after entering long-term relationships.

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As a result, women often step in to fill the social gap, taking responsibility for sustaining their partner’s social network.

This dynamic can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and reduced relationship satisfaction over time. The survey was tested across multiple samples and showed strong reliability in measuring how often women engage in these behaviors and how distressed they feel as a result. Researchers found that higher mankeeping scores were linked to lower relationship quality and increased symptoms of anxiety and depression, suggesting the labor is not only invisible but also costly. How Does Mankeeping Differ from General Emotional Labor? While emotional labor broadly refers to managing feelings and expressions in work or personal life, mankeeping specifically focuses on the gendered expectation that women maintain their male partners’ social worlds. It is not simply about being supportive or kind—it involves anticipating needs, remembering details, and initiating contact that partners may overlook or neglect.

Unlike general emotional labor, which can be reciprocal, mankeeping often flows

Unlike general emotional labor, which can be reciprocal, mankeeping often flows in one direction, reinforcing traditional gender roles even in egalitarian-minded couples. The survey helps isolate this particular form of labor so it can be studied and addressed more effectively. What Can Couples Do to Address This Imbalance? Awareness is the first step. Partners should openly discuss social responsibilities and recognize when one person is consistently carrying the mental load of maintaining friendships. Encouraging men to rebuild and sustain their own social connections—not relying on their partners to do it for them—can help redistribute the labor. Couples might also experiment with sharing social planning duties or setting boundaries around what each person is willing to manage.

Therapists suggest that treating social upkeep as a shared responsibility, rather than a default female duty, can improve both individual well-being and relationship health over time. Frequently Asked Questions Is mankeeping only experienced by heterosexual women? The current research focused on women in relationships with men, but similar dynamics could occur in any partnership where one partner has fewer social ties and relies on the other to manage them. Further study is needed to explore these patterns across different relationship types. Can men experience mankeeping too? While the term was developed to describe a pattern commonly observed in heterosexual relationships, men can also perform emotional labor for their partners’ social lives. However, societal expectations often make this less visible or less expected of men, which is why the phenomenon appears asymmetrical in practice. Does doing mankeeping mean a woman is being taken advantage of?

Not necessarily—many women engage in these behaviors out of care and commitment. The concern arises when the labor is unrecognized, unreciprocated, and leads to emotional strain. The goal of the survey is not to blame individuals but to highlight systemic patterns that may undermine equity and well-being in relationships.